Mythbuster Korea!

"So... Tiffany, You still in China? Japan?"

Let's play a game. Shall we?

 

This is MythBusters and Im Jamie and you're the other guy!      Myth 1: I DO NOT live in Japan or China. I'm in Korea

Korean Peninsula, it is bordered by China to the northwest, Russia to the northeast, and is separated from Japan to the east by the Korea Strait and

the Sea of Japan

MYTH: BUSTED!

Myth 2: "You're probably like the tallest person in Korea"

Umm...NO! At a "towering" 5'10 and some change ,I am by far not the tallest person let alone female in Korea. Have you seen Korean Basketball players?

MYTH: BUSTED!

Myth 3: " So you can like get everything bootleg there?  Jordans for $20 and diamonds for $10 right? If I send you some money..."

C'mon people REALLY? You think Koreans are Blinged out Jordan wearers? You've been watching way too much TV. Here's a thought pick up a book or read the BBC news. Koreans are not walking around blinged out sporting the newest 22's. Sorry to burst your bubble. I almost peed myself $10 diamonds!!!! SERIOUSLY? Wtf? Jordans are in import therefore cost more here and diamonds well have you seen the movie Blood Diamond? I am a teacher not a bootlegger! Enough said!

MYTH: BUSTED

Myth 4: " Korean women are soooo BEAUTIFUL! So docile and subservient"

Once again my friend you've watched Memoirs of a Geisha wayyyyy to many times. Secondly those women were JAPANESE!

The number of beautiful Korean women is just the same as the states, a mixture or "Oh WOW" and "Oh HELL No!"  If I had a shit ton of elective cosmetic surgery all before the age of 21 I'd be a knockout too. However Korean women (well a good portion are quite thin) due tend to dress more chic and take pride in their appearance more so than their Western couterparts. As far as docile goes, if you define docile by whining incesantly and throwing temper tantrums in public then sure go right ahead!

MYTH: BUSTED

MYTH 5: " Koreans are sooo skinny, it must be because ther eat all that rice and sushi"

What?Once again sushi is JAPAN! Koreans are considered the fatties of Asia.

 News flash ,RICE is NOT a diet food. Actually it's quite the opposite. A fat Korean will see an overweight foreigner, sneer looking up from his/ her greasy delicious snack long enough to call you FAT! Because in reality they are in utter denial about their fatness.

MYTH: BUSTED

Next time on Korean MythBusters...

             Epic Korean LIES Myths                

Until next time...

Confucius say: Beware of of hillarious bullshit in the form of ignorance, you could end up in my next post. just kidding ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ :) ( sort of)

The New Year brings new adventures!

 Sorry it's been  a month since my last post but, I really haven't had anything blogworthy to post. So instead of boring you with some ridiculous rant or list of things I did the past month I opted not to blog. That aside,
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I can't believe it's 2011. I haven't been stateside since mid 2009. Where does the time go?
 I'm convinced that Korea is some strange time vortex where time just melts away.  Then BAM!, another year gone by. Well I have to say, 2010 was an exciting and productive. I fell in madly in love, learned some Korean, successfully ordered things online all in Korean, read something like 20 + books, traveled to Thailand twice, Hong Kong and India as well as explored a bit of Korea. Amongst all this madness I  found another piece of me.
On a sad note all the changes they are making  in Korea in regards to rights for foreigners ( and not for the better), I've decided this will be my last contract. After next fall, I will exit stage left.
So that means,  I'm only here for another 10 months ( you might think thats a lot of time, but trust me... in Korea it flies by)and I don't want to be one of those expats who's been here 2+ years and never seen Namsang Tower or Busan,  So  I promise to see some more Korean sights before next Nov! That aside I've given up on seriously learning anymore Korean.
 Even though I surprise myself sometimes with how much I understand.
Japan is the next destination, so it's time for this 外国人 to start learning Japanese and start scouting job opportunities. The home of the raeman shop, sushi,  karaoke, geishas, saving face, hara juku, and so much more. I am not excited for learning Kanji. I'll pull a Bill Murray, being perpetually Lost in translation. I'll be trading in my soju for sake and kimchi for wasabi. With a full waist bow I look forward to my next adventure  in Japan. Let the countdown begin!

Speaking of adventures I'll be heading stateside in 4 days! I can't believe it's time already! I remember when first bought that outrageously expensive ticket, I thought 3 months away. Now I'm less than a week away. I don't think I've ever missed my family and friends as much as I miss them right now. I'm super pumped to see everyone, eat delicious food, go SHOPPING, listen to the radio, speak English freely, and see how awkward I am acclimating myself back to America. So with a barely empty suitcase with the exception of a clean pair of undies, a toothbrush,  a few bottles of Soju and socks, I'm prepping myself to head back to the good ole US of A.

Wishing all of you the best in 2011! I better get packing. Don't want to forget my toothbrush.
Until next time...

지독한 외국인 :Waguk Syndrome

one goes out to all my wonderful 외국인
This post has been a long time coming, I figured now is good a time as any! I wanted to talk to you about the weirdos here! Sometimes I'm not even sure how some of these people made from their respective countries, but most importantly America.They actually issued you a passport? I've heard the term LBH ( losers back home), amd TTW ( too weird for the west)I'm no expert but I 've met quite a few. Let just say I'm underwhelmed.  I don't even know where to begin with my disappointment in my fellow waguks. I'm sure I've ranted about  something like this before. But no, seriously. It's not just the lack of acknowledgment on the street but the actual making plans with people and people not showing up. NEWFLASH! That's RUDE! Don't be REAL Korean about and say " Oh thats just Korea!" No, that's UNACCEPTABLE! I mean c'mon what happened to socual etiquette? People just because you're in another country and they may treat you like "you're not the real person" at times doesnt mean you should behave as such. It's like " Better not say hi or act like the real person...dont want to lok stupid!" Okay douche bag! I'm thoroughly not impressed. I've passed my year mark in Korea, you'd think this wouldn't bother me anymore. Well guess what ? It does! I'm the real person ~ I was talking to a friend today about this situation and she gave me some insight
"Korea is like that ... many ppl are smelling themselves here... pretending that they are someone when back home they are no one. Its like college when freshman year people try to reinvent themselves until someone lets them know," hey you're not that important".  We're ALL here living in Korea. We've all had similar experiences, we've all traveled, and we've all taken a leap and decided to live and work here.So get a grip.
I've even heard the oldie but goodie" just because they're a foreigner and I'm a foreigner doesn't mean we should be friends." That's true but who says that? I'll tell you who douchebags, weirdos , social retards incapable of making real connections with people. The best one is " I'd rather go hang out with my Korean friends"  to this one I just nod and laugh. Really though? You're Korean friends? We're in Korea we ALL have Korean friends. And Ps. langauge exchange, hanging out in hopes of tapping into your sexual promescuity or using you to practice English posing is not a FRIENDSHIP! Just a little FYI! Anyways as foreigners we all go through it. But I'd like to take a moment and talk about the South African community here in SoKo. It's HUGE! They have outings, dances, and braais galore! I am the envy! Geez even the Canadians have a community here aye!. Nope not the Americans. It's unfortunate because we make up something like a little more than half of the teachers her in Korea.  You came to Korea  a new experience, so let it be just that. Open your youself up and experience life here with Korean and fellow foreigners.
C'mon take moment, step off the asshole train, and be REAL people. Just a thought! Until next time...

Confucius say: Of weirdo wayguks you must beware do like the rest, when in a confined space intetionally avoid their stare!

Slave to Starbucks: A Holiday Story

Dear Korea  ,
Dear Korean Starbucks,

You have made me a slave to your Christmas blend goodness. Not only did I buy your overpriced 19,000 W bag of  coffee for my french press, for weekend coffee enjoyment, I fell victim to your sly tricks.
Oh Toffee Nut Latte, you mock me everytime I pass my neighborhood Starbucks. I want to stop in for just another sip of your toffee nutty goodness. Not to mention Christmas blend is a holiday blend and before I know it you'll be gone and make me pine for you,yet another year. I'm not impressed that you antagonize me by giving me a holiday coffee point card. With each purchase I receive, a little coffe cup shaped sticker to place on my card. Now I have 10 little cups filled and 7 more to go. Each time I get excited! I am one Toffee Nut latte closer to a 2011 Starbucks planner/journal. So many wonderful things I could plan and do with that Starbucks limited edition holdiay planner/journal. ((sighs)) I almost gave in yesterday and bought it. Alas no brown one. It was not meant to be. When I saw the price... 17,000W. Ugh! It would be so easy to give in and buy it. I mean clearly the planner/journal is not worth 17 cups of 5,100W Toffee Nut Latte. However purchasing it would not give me the same satisfaction as collecting that last coffee cup shaped sticker on my point card and having a junior barista hand me my glorious limited edition 2011 Starbucks Planner/Journal! So I will be dillegent in my coffee drinking because, let's face it good coffee in Korea is hard to come by. So I will continue my servitude to the lady in green, paying homage and Won to Starbucks for it's comfy chairs, great coffee, and delightful Christmas melodies until my holiday point card is complete!
Ps. I do not appreciate your sly trickery of  the point card. I am not Korean I do count the lattes. Which total upwards of  86,000 W which is LUDACRIS! What's even more ridiculous is that I am still buying Toffee Nut Lattes on the regular! Ohhhh the shame. ((sighs)) Korea:4,390,6001 티파니: 3 :(
Until my next Toffee Nut Latte...

<3
티파니

Shhhh...Kimchi and Condoms

DISCLAIMER: If you are easily offended by jesus jokes or sexual references this post is NOT for you!                                                       A few weeks ago when our taxi adjeoshi wanted to get us to Yongsan station by avoiding the traffic, he took a short cut through Yongsan's red  ( more like hot pink ) light district. I'd seen depictions of a full on district at the Sex...excuse me "Erotica" park in Jeju, but I'd never seen it, full on. Scantily clad, disproporationate silicone induced Korean women( well some of them) making kissy faces and whining " 이리와 오 파" in 4 inch heels behind a wall of pink glass inviting men to come take a look at their wares. 
Now this was the first full on pink district I'd ever seen other than the erotica museum.

Korea is a very conservative place in many regards.  Or at least  it appears that way. Korea likes to put a conservative window dressing on society but in reality they are just as scandalous and perverted as anyone else. I can't tell you how many time Koreans smirk with hopeful eyes and ask Kate if she is from "러시아"? Russia ( in Korea)= WHORE. Not by my standard but by Koreans. Pretty Caucasin woman in a dress? Better ask if she "working"? Each time this question is posed she is less than impressed.

Moving on, I want to take minute and talk about the (C)overt brothels strewn about the city. I thought "man, there are a lot of barbers here in Korea". Not that many men need haircuts. As I did the research and looked into the "barber poles", read the signs above the doorways  and as I learn more Korean vocabulary I notice that it's not all cardigans and kimchi Jesus! For example there is one situated on the basement floor of my apartment buliding. I see many a man walk down those shady steps in the anticipation of a "haircut" and I shake my head as I make my way up the few flights to my apartment.

In a "conservative" country where DVD bong babies are a natural occurenence and the aboration rate sky rockets each year you'd think they'd put a little less funding into English and more into Sex Ed. It's crazy to me that Koreans think its strange and abhorent that we hand out free condoms. Tsk,tsk! I heard the a couple weeks ago was the annual "health class". This is an "educational time" where students can peruse aisles of a classroom gawking at old biology charts and archaic books. None of that is preparing them for the real world of sex, unplanned pregnancies, and STD's.
Okay, I admit we are more forth-coming with sexual exploitation in Western cultures. We are bombarded with it constantly, so we think nothing of seeing a half naked, hell ...a naked woman.
 It’s a bit more subtle here, but after a while you begin to recognize some telltale signs. But no worries as with all conservative societies, perversion is lurking right beneath the surface.
  One of the first things I noticed when I got here was the outlandish number of barber poles around the cities.  Nearly every building has one, if not several.  It wasn’t long before someone broke it down for me; One pole is suspect.  Two poles is really saying something.  A place with two poles which are spinning between the hours of midnight and 6am may as well just say “Vagina Sale!”.  There are several 노래 방 in my neighborhood which I’m sure are for another kind of duet. At this point every "business" I pass could conceivably be peddling flesh.  "아드레날린" (Adrenaline)  "coffee shop" I pass by frequently is covered in lights,with one door, no windows, and blacked out door panel and only open after 6pm.Coffee? Hmmmm? I never smell an java when I walk past. More like coffee flavored contraceptive and a happy ending!
But alas the sex trade and pseudo-conservatism are alive in well in South Korea.
If you're even tempted to visit one of these establishments for a "haircut" or better yet a "cup of coffee" after a long day on the job. Ask for a "물 티 수" first then inquire if you get the service Kimichi and condoms special!
Until next time...

Confucius say: beware of double barber poles spinning to and fro and hallogen hot pink lights. You may go for a "haircut" and end up spending the night!

Out of sight out of mind?



티파니 who?

As I have finally made a solid group of friends here who are not creepers, douche bags or *LHBs ( Losers Back Home ) thanks TS. I've started to wonder about friends and fam stateside. I know I've heard that saying, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." but I know for most people it's " Out of sight, Out of Mind".
Now dont get me wrong  I absolutely love my SoKo fam! I'm over-joyed to have such a great group of awesome, genuine people to hang with. It's always nice to have to kindred spirits to kick it with, crack jokes, eat delicious food with, and gripe about life in Korea.
However I wonder about my friends across the pond!  I miss being a part of their daily lives and them being a part of mine. I miss being their shoulders to cry on, or the first person they call when something ridiculous has happened. I am reduced to emails, and SKYPE :( I some times ( Ok a lot of the time)  feel out of the loop. Their lives are changing and I'm not there for it :( (Facebook updates just aren't enough) I guess that's the price you pay living overseas. I try my best to skype and call as much as possible. My new resolution is to write more. Whatever happened to letter writing? We've become so disconnected in the digital age, sending a quick IM or email. We've forgotten how nice it is to get something by snail mail. Going to the mailbox, seeing a hand written letter with your name on it. almost 30 and I still get excited about the mail. What good is Korea with all these damn stationary stores if I dont send a letter? So if you want to be my pen pal ( I know it's real gay) inbox me your addy and I'll send some snail mail your way. Lots of love from Soko to all my friends and loved ones statside. Can't wait to see you all!
Don't forget about me. Unitl next time...

Confucius say:  Emails are crap but letters are forever or can be used for toilet paper in 3rd world countries. It's all about perspective!

Korea, You'll Always be my Baby

Dear Korea,
I know it's been a while. I just haven't been feeling the love between us lately from the pushy opinionated adjumma to the utterly ludacris logic. I know, I've been distant and down right indignant. I didn't even celebrate our year anniversary. I'm taking a cue from Mariah. It's time to " Shake it off". So I promise to work on it. Like in all relationships, the things I once loved about you, irritate the hell out of me, and like any lover you truly know how to push my buttons. I'm not one to hold a grudge so I forgive you. Let's move on from here. No hard feelings. Let's go into out second yr with a clean slate.


With that being said I have so many things I want to share with you, and look forward to our adventures together.

Always,
티파니 ♥