Nights of Itaewon Part II

So the Nights of Itaewon is now officially a sequel. Once again Fran and I put on the shortest dresses  and the tallest boots we could find , and headed out to Itaewon. This time we met up with a few fellow expat teachers. Stacy, Kate and Eliana at Helios.  Looking quite fab with my freshly pressed hair and my knee high suede boots I was definitely feeling myself. At Helios, the patrons ran the gamut from "Say what" Korean girls trying to pull off a bad Little Kim impressions,  American "wankstas" and their hype men, to a few white Americans sprinkled in the mix for diversity and a number of expat teachers. We all had our free drink and peaced out.However, I did linger for a moment to see a Korean guy in a Coogi sweat suit with a blingged out hat pop-lock on the platform...Ridiculous! Bearing the cold we ran across the street to our "favorite" spot UN Club. "Ladies Night" Oh yeah no cover.... as we get down stairs Kate says " I paid!" They group chuckled..." Go get your money" as we head to the bar. Against the backdrop of what seems to be an American club, we find our niche and post up surveying the crowd. In a sea of faces I see  my black people and I smile. This however was short lived when I  noticed the ghetto boops are here in full effect...silver boots, tacky backless shirts and bad weaves, the "Word Up" Korean boys are bobbin on beat with fresh Jordans on , wanna be Bloods sans shirts and  mouths  fronts are swinging bandanas in the air. Ummm Bloods in South Korea? I think not! ( PSA: Dear fake punk fakers... the real thugs called and they want their colors back), Nigerians posing as Americans. " So where are you from"  New Lork City" " Really? New Lork City.... you sure about that?", and it wouldn't be complete with out the token drunk white girls crying in the bathroom. Are you sure I'm in Korea and not in a club in North Philly? Laughing at this unbelievable spectacle, the girls and I order  our second round.Then I get a phone call...It's "Andy" saying he's coming out! " Cool " I say " See you later!" Then off to the dance floor to tear it up.As "Andy" arrives I see he's alone. " I hope he didn't come alone just to see me..."  I say. He says hi to the girls and gets me a drink. While he's at the bar Fran leans over and says " Bringin sand to the beach... is a no no" , I laugh... " I'm so not even going there with him and I thought he was coming with his friends" ... " thought wrong!" she says and laughs. After a few giggles from the girls I let them know.. he is NOT my boo. Back out on the dance floor starting to sweat my press out, when  the DJ spins" This Is How we Do It" yes they did blow the dust off it....Random Nigerian men are trying to infiltrate our group as we swiftly make our way back to the bar. I make a B line to the bathroom, upon coming out of the lou, there is " Andy" lookin all sad with the puppy dog eyes. " What's up?" I ask as if I dont know what he's about to say " I missed you today" .. Ummm yeah I was way off on that one! (What? he misses me? I just met the guy yesterday and we've only ever hung out at the club... ummm I might have a Nigerian stalker  on my hands) Then he tries to dance with me and hold my hands...Okay.. I've had about enough. I say " Andy we need to talk! K!" He looks at me intently" Listen you're nice, but you're trying to boo me up IN THE CLUB, I think you're a nice guy but you should go home" " I will call you later" and( by later I meant the Monday after never). Crisis averted as he's walking out the door  the song " No Wifin in the Club" comes on...how a propo.  I owe Fran twenty dollars FML..So now with my wanna be boyfriend out the way the girls and I go back to the bar freshen our glasses. After which Fran has found a Korean boyfriend MingSu who cripwalks... you know she likes em gangsta doesnt matter the nationality. I look over to see Kate dancin with Long Duck Dong and Eliana and Stacy tearin it up as well and I  made a new friends with some military guys. Oh so American. There was an abundance of cuties at the bar that night , everyone was feelin what the DJ was putting down, and the drinks were strong. Cant be mad at that. In fact the drinks were so strong that after a few more Grey Goose, Orange and Cranberry , Fran started dancin with "soulja boy".. and he literally is a soldier. Later on he came back to dance with her and Fran says "oh wait i didnt recognize you with your shirt on!" As the night wore on into early morning , I remembered less and less how many rounds we had. All I know is my pressed hair was not longer issue because I was dancing as if my life depended on it, Kate was entertaining some random guy, Stacy was gettin with it, Fran was on the stage with soulja boy, and Eliana was unsuccessfully avoiding Nigerians.

We received lollipops from our would be suitors... maybe it's a Korean thing, but is a Chupa Pop a sign of going steady in 2009? I know you're not supposed to take candy from strangers but we made exceptions just this once. Sitting on the stage enjoying out Chupa treats when this Nigerian man who we've all verbally abused throughout the night came back for one more attempt... I put my hand up " No, Stop, dont even go there K!"

As my buzz turned into full on drunkeness and my feet started hurting , the dreaded military curfew was in affect so... what seemed like 70% of the drunken club goers filed out the door. Along with our dance partners. As the girls and I notice only the Nigerians and the belligerent white men are left,we grab our jackets and make a hasty exit. Outside the streets of filled with people, street meat vendors, cabs swerving in at out of traffic and half dressed girls. Oh wait that's us!The night air was electric and we cracking up laughing as we recalled some the nights events. Filled with questions of " was he cute?", " yo, what were you drinking?", " Do you remember his name?", "how long were you up there?" and " why am I so damn drunk?"

Beacause it's Itaweon and that's what happens.

Confucius say: when one hits the streets of Itaewon with the girls in tow be sure to keep the drinks strong, the skirts short, and the cell handy because you're bound to meet a of couple of men chupa pop candy