Sunday, September 12, 2010

Operation: Do What It Do!

Tiffany Teacher+broken Western toilet + Squat toilet + Rumble in the Jungle x crowded bathroom with co-workers= not a good time for ANYONE!
 Operation : Do what it Do
(Disclaimer: if you don't find poop amusing or the least bit no further)
I know there are some things people just don't talk about... well just so we're clear, I'm not those people!

Last Friday started off like most days. Bearing the elements and making it to school on time,morning classes, followed by iced tea and a  n sugary breakfast snack of some sort.Around second period there was a rumble in the jungle. When a situation such as this arises at school, I try my best to calm the storm. Because I know, like most people no one wants to drop a "deuce"at work. The more I tried to keep it at bay, the more my stomach rumbled. I def should have skipped the iced tea that morning. Let me pause right here and take a moment to explain my school's bathroom room facilities. The bathroom is located outside of the main building and is rinsed daily with an over-sized hose by a cranky purple haired adjumma. There are 4 stalls, one of which is a Western toilet which is also doubles as a mop closet. The other 3 stalls are squat toilets. Which my co-workers frequent on the regular. See the picture on the right. There is rarely toilet paper in the stalls, so of course I'm always prepared with a roll of my own. I waited as as long as I could  while I changed into my rain boots, instead of my usual slippers. One can never be too careful about splatter. Didn't want poop slippers, that would have been awkward and hard to explain. I bided my time as I waited for my co-workers to finish their after lunch dash for the bathroom for make-up reapplication and teeth brushing. I waited until I saw my co-workers file out of the bathroom. I made my way to the squat toilet furthest from the door and to my surprise WTF? The TP bandit struck again.My toilet paper roll I put in there an hour earlier had disappeared. Ugh! So I dashed back to the teacher's lounge and grabbed another roll. When I returned to the bathroom, it was jam packed with co-workers. I decided to wait them out. Consequently, I ended up brushing my teeth 3 times :(
It's not like I could blow it up  in the bathroom and then blame another foreigner.A: I'm the only one at my school. B : I didn't even have any Lysol. Now when I first got Korea I scoffed at the thought of ever using a squat toilet. It proves to be quite a balancing act which I've mastered in the past months. But squat poop? That was a whole nother issue with a whole nother set of problems.

I am guilty of having the "Finch" syndrome of wanting to save "the deuce" for home. Most Koreans could care less and let it rip anywhere. But this was no time for "Finch". It was time for action! Me and my duck boots, a roll of toilet paper, and my fingers crossed, assumed the position. In minutes my frustration and angst were over. I have to tell wasn't that bad.
That squat toilet may seem daunting but trust me people it's all bark and no bite.Could you imagine if it did? Needless to say I already asked my school to repair the Western toilet. I won't be making a habit of
"pooping a squat ". Crisis averted and all was calm in the jungle. Note to self: Caffeine + sugary breakfast treats are not my friends between the hours of 8:00am and 4:30pm. I hope this serves as a warning for my fellow expat teachers. Til next time!

Confucius say: When in doubt and one must squat! Be care where you aim  or Deucie will be your new nickname!

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