It's so crazy how Korean people,children especially are fascinated with body hair. I don't really understand the "Whoa!" factor. I've seen hairy Koreans. Like adjeoshi or younger men with not so much leg hair as patchy "plots" sporatically growing on their legs. Yes it is rare to see a Korean man with facial hair.However lately I've seen a few beards on the subway. It's strange.
But Koreans are no stranger to hair! I've seen countless mustaches and overgrown eye brows and nose hairs for days.
My students are AMAZED with my arm hair and try to "pet" it when I am trying to help them with their work. My girls constantly try to sneak up on me and run their dirty fingers through my hair. I AM NOT IMPRESSED! Nor am I some Waguk Barbie. I constantly have to tell them to keep their hands to themselves. I once asked my special needs co-teacher why my students are so enamored with my arm hair. " You know the Korean people ( as most Korean lies start off) are not hairy! We do not have hair like the foreigners" As her upper lip is weighed down by and extra-thick mustache. Korean men might not be hairy but the women sure are. At least foreign women have the sense to pluck, or wax mustaches instead of cake them with concealer.That is no bueno. The little mirror/comb combo thats seems to be so popular these days is not to comb your mustache or shape your eyebrows ladies. it's for your bangs. I've got an idea. Instead of little mirrors with combs Korean beauty stores should invest in developing little wax strip/lipgloss compacts. I'm sure they would sell like Spam kits during Chuseok!
Next time someone pets my arm hair like a dog or tries to finger F&%K my freshly styled coiff,I'm going to grab their little Korean mustache hairs and pull for dear life. Until next time...
Confucius say: When there are Korean claims of hairlessness beware. Because I'll be after your bushy top lip with a bottle of Nair!
This past week we celebrated Chuseok ( Korean Thanksgiving). Originally I was a little depressed because Kate and I couldn't plan a mini-vacay due to our conflicting days off. I had to work last Monday ( I use the term "work" loosely) while Kate got to sleep in, and I had Friday off and of course she had to work. We tried to fanangle a 4 day get away somewhere. We played with the ideas of Taipei or Hong Kong. We finally decided to go to Hong Kong since I was keen on checking out Disneyland Hong Kong and Kate was excited about the shopping, but alas it wasn't meant to be. The return times coupled with the exhorbited price of returning flights from Hong Kong just didnt seem worth it. Bottom lips poked out we decided staying that Korea was our best bet. A few days later we while having morning coffee,and watching CNN Weather there were reports that a typhoon had hit Hong Kong and a hurricane had swept over Taipei. We would have had a soggy Chuseok adventure, and thats no fun for anyone. At first I wasn't excited about the Chuseok mini break but it definitely started to look up last Tuesday night. I had a little dinner party at my aparment, where my friend Tina so graciously offered to cook some Thai specialties. Her green curry and Chicken Satay were A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! After everyone had their fill...some more than others. We half-assed played Dirty Minds. We did our usual mini-rant about Korea and how ridiculous it is. However somewhere in between the cheese and crackers and the appetizers the night got more interesting when my friend Ricky picked up my Complete Guide to Lesbian Sex Book and started reading passages. That's when things got RIDICULOUS. " Maybe you should give seminars on this stuff... men need to know" I agreed with my friends. They could learn a lot from their Sapphic counterparts. Page after page, the room errupted in laughter as we theorized sordid sexual situations , munched on Krispy Kreme doughnuts and drank Moscato out of Dixie cups ( classy right?). Who knew chuseok dinner+A Lesbian Sex guide could =so much fun? The dinner party turned into a wrap session which carried into the wee hours of the morning. I'm sure this was the most risque Chuseok dinner conversation this side of the Han river.
The party was a sucess and I'm sure we all learned a few new sexual tidbits. It was great way to start off my mini Chuseok Vacay!
What's on the agenda for the Christmas party...egg nog, Christmas cookies and an S& M demonstration?
I love my friends...never a dull moment. Until next time... Confucius says: To spice up a dinner party or next office picnic, pick up the next edition lesbian sex guide that shoul do the trick!
( I'm sure you wouldn't find this tip in Home Living or Martha Stuart)
Tiffany Teacher+broken Western toilet + Squat toilet + Rumble in the Junglex crowded bathroom with co-workers= not a good time for ANYONE!
Operation : Do what it Do
(Disclaimer: if you don't find poop amusing or the least bit funny...read no further)
I know there are some things people just don't talk about... well just so we're clear, I'm not those people!
Last Friday started off like most days. Bearing the elements and making it to school on time,morning classes, followed by iced tea and a n sugary breakfast snack of some sort.Around second period there was a rumble in the jungle. When a situation such as this arises at school, I try my best to calm the storm. Because I know, like most people no one wants to drop a "deuce"at work. The more I tried to keep it at bay, the more my stomach rumbled. I def should have skipped the iced tea that morning. Let me pause right here and take a moment to explain my school's bathroom room facilities. The bathroom is located outside of the main building and is rinsed daily with an over-sized hose by a cranky purple haired adjumma. There are 4 stalls, one of which is a Western toilet which is also doubles as a mop closet. The other 3 stalls are squat toilets. Which my co-workers frequent on the regular. See the picture on the right. There is rarely toilet paper in the stalls, so of course I'm always prepared with a roll of my own. I waited as as long as I could while I changed into my rain boots, instead of my usual slippers. One can never be too careful about splatter. Didn't want poop slippers, that would have been awkward and hard to explain. I bided my time as I waited for my co-workers to finish their after lunch dash for the bathroom for make-up reapplication and teeth brushing. I waited until I saw my co-workers file out of the bathroom. I made my way to the squat toilet furthest from the door and to my surprise WTF? The TP bandit struck again.My toilet paper roll I put in there an hour earlier had disappeared. Ugh! So I dashed back to the teacher's lounge and grabbed another roll. When I returned to the bathroom, it was jam packed with co-workers. I decided to wait them out. Consequently, I ended up brushing my teeth 3 times :(
It's not like I could blow it up in the bathroom and then blame another foreigner.A: I'm the only one at my school. B : I didn't even have any Lysol. Now when I first got Korea I scoffed at the thought of ever using a squat toilet. It proves to be quite a balancing act which I've mastered in the past months. But squat poop? That was a whole nother issue with a whole nother set of problems.
I am guilty of having the "Finch" syndrome of wanting to save "the deuce" for home. Most Koreans could care less and let it rip anywhere. But this was no time for "Finch". It was time for action! Me and my duck boots, a roll of toilet paper, and my fingers crossed, assumed the position. In minutes my frustration and angst were over. I have to tell you...it wasn't that bad. That squat toilet may seem daunting but trust me people it's all bark and no bite.Could you imagine if it did? Needless to say I already asked my school to repair the Western toilet. I won't be making a habit of "pooping a squat ". Crisis averted and all was calm in the jungle. Note to self: Caffeine + sugary breakfast treats are not my friends between the hours of 8:00am and 4:30pm. I hope this serves as a warning for my fellow expat teachers. Til next time!
Confucius say: When in doubt and one must squat! Be care where you aim or Deucie will be your new nickname!
( press PLAY on the video below so you can listen as your read)
The 90's are back in full affect!
In Korea the 90's are back HARD like Winona Ryder in a Reality Bites or Tia Carrere in Wayne's World type of way!
Cut-off shorts, baggy shirt/sweaters hanging off the shoulder,combat boots, 501 mom jeans. Crowds of Koreans who think they're DOIN' IT, in woollen V neck jumpers, either on or tied to the waist,tears in the jeans topped off with prom shoes.Numerous faces of pale makeup with smokey eyes and bad dye jobs. It's like a continuous episode of Melrose Place or 90210. Me personally, I'm not one for the re-vamping of 90's fashion! You won't see me in a romper, stone washed jeans,ripped tights, an over-sized t-shirt reading NOT!, lining my lips or rocking a scrunchie! That's all you Korea!
No thanks! I'm not sure if it's just Korea or Fashion in general. NowI know its the nature of fashion to recycle but the 90's? Really?
I'm sooo not impressed! Til next time...
Confucius says: Beware of the 90's wave washing over your local retail stores, dont get caught with a scrunchie in your hair or stone washed jeans. What not to Wear will be knocking at your door!
It was bright and early Wednesday morning. After having an unrestful sleep I woke up anxious as if it were my first day of school not the students'. I put on my "super teacher" black dress complete with yellow power sweater and turquoise pearls ( ok, maybe not so super or poer but they're my favorites) I took down my hair which I had so time consumingly curled last night to perfection. I was ready. With one last glance in the mirror I dashed out the bathroom, grabbed my purse, ipod and umbrella and I was out the door. However what I wasn't ready for was the unbelievable humidity and torrential downpour at 7:30am. By time I made it the few blocks to the bus stop I could feel my make up running and I knew it was over for my hair. So, a less than chipper Tippani teachuh made it up the hill a great deal wetter and sweatier than anticipated. Not a good combo on the first day of school. Before greeting my fellow teachers I made a B line for the ladies room which smelled of old mop water and Old spice. Maybe the cleaning adjumma changed her aftershave. I looked in the mirror and instead of the fahionable diva who left the apartment only 30 mins ago , a haggart , soaked very frizzy homeless woman stared back at me. :( Thank goodness for my make up bag, a spare brush and a mini flat iron in the bottom drawer of my desk. In under 15 mins I began to see an inkling of my former self. After saying my hellos to colleagues and answering a million questions about my vacation I attempted explaining my India trip to the English teacherswho barely speak English...go figure! It was part English, part Korean with a whole lot of charades in between to explain words/situations that were entirely too difficult to try and translate. I headed up to the "English Zo e" my "n" broke over the break! The day was uneventful. My classes were cancelled. All that planning and no students :( Surprise, surprise. That's Korea for you. Greeted by students bowing ( that never gets old) to students screaming my name down the hallway and waving "Tippani Teachuh"! But alas no class for the Tippani, so I made use of my free time by playing on FB and lesson planning for the coming weeks but then I was distracted by an overwhelming urge to make "Korean Bingo". It's like Walmart Bingo but better! Who wouldnt want to scour the city looking for an adjumma with green hair , an ajeoshi bar fight before 6pm, or a girl with pockets hanging out of her short shorts! I thought it was a great idea! That was the end of anything school related right there! Great start to the semester, go me. I cant say that it was my finest moment as an educator but whatever ...it's desk warming don't judge!So if you're in the Anyang area on Saturday and wanted to do drinks and Korean Bingo. I'm there like a Korean at Costco before Chusok.
Until next time...
Confucius say: When one feel the agnst of desk warming limbo start to creep kick back, grab your Snuggie and start counting sheep
Ok... so I'm back home trying to collect myself, after my India expedition. I'm not even even sure where to begin. It was like re-enacting Slumdog Millionaire but without the dancing, or the millionaire. We arrived with high hopes a little tired in Delhi. The Indirah Ghandi International Airport was less than magical. I'm sure Indirah would not be pleased! Still walking on cloud nine from actually being in India, I shrugged off this sub-par airport and we picked up our bags. A chauffeur from the hotel met us at the gate. ( Whew! airport pick- up was not a scam) We made our way outside through hoards of gawking Indian men with our packs and found our vehicle which looked like some kind of 1970's "Pinto" reject. It didn't look like our bags would fit in this car let alone all 3 of us. Once our bags were stowed we hit the "road" to New Delhi. By "road" I mean and extremely large dirt path with innumerous construction vehicles lined up by the curb, worker's shanty shacks, roadside barbers, public urination ( penises facing the road) and families squatting with fruit and water. As the car came to its first halt women and children rushed the car " Madame, food, money, please, Dont kill the baby" dust clad babies are crying while their malnourished mothers and siblings are banging on the car windows. Sounds exciting huh? Umm not quite. We made our way into New Delhi. Rickshaws, Tuk-tuks, delivery trucks, bikes, cars, and taxis whizzed and out of traffic meandering through the automotive clusterfuck. In disregard to any possible traffic rules our driver moved in and out of lanes into on coming traffic. It was like a not so fun Indian version of Motorcross Urban Fever because I was in the backseat sans seat belt and Kate was not impressed. As we made our way through Delhi we came to what can only be explained as a village from Slumdog Millionaire. Kate and I both looked at one another and keeping our fingers crossed that this was not where out hotel was. Lucky Day! We turned down this dirt road with half constructed building and children chasing the car with their hands out. " Oh fuck" says Kate We pulled up to the Delhi Pride Hotel. The pictures online were a bit misleading to say the leasr. But once we got inside it was actually a " nice" hotel. Well Im guessing for India's standards. After resting a few and freshening up we decided to hit the town and check out the infamous Karol Bagh market. After a few right and left turns we made our way to the Karol Bagh entrance. Excited about all the shopping that was about to commence from reading Lonely Planet India ( which is severely inaccurate bordering bold face lie). Kate and I put on our bargaining faces and moved forward. But to our surprise, instead of Karol Bagh being one of Asia's most amazing markets, it turned out to be a series of run-down store fronts with a myriad of jewelry and fabric stores, needless to say we were not impressed. A little parched and sad about the lack of shopping options I stopped for a fountain Cola at a pastry shop. By the time I got back to the hotel there was a layer of dust in my cola and dust in my straw. :( That was the beginning of the end! Our hotel set us up with an Indian travel agency that squared away our train tickets and car transport around various cities. I pretty sure we got dooped on the price.I felt like that little kid on the old school Moutain Dew commercial " We've been hosed Tommy, we've been hosed!"
Yup that's about right! India was series , of one terrible experience after another. Day two we got into a car accident and Kate was almost pick-pocketed at a Buddhist Temple! C'mon now, a temple? Really? We ran the guy down and the police apprehended him. Temples, tombs, the Taj Mahl and other sites were all dwarfed by the gawking, and being followed by and having my picture taken by creepy Indian men, not to mention the fly entourages that seemed to follow me everywhere!
You say what about the food! Of course it couldn't have been all bad right? WRONG! Everyone knows how much I love Indian food it's my second runner up to Thai. I was so pumped to eat my weight in Naan and delicious curries ( thanks Kate). The food we were served was obviously made for tourists ( sorry if that sounds pretentious, but I know good Indian food) Rubbery samosas, weird chicken brinyani, strange palak paneer. "OMG did you just give me Heinz ketchup to put on my samosas!" I was insulted to say the least! I couldn't believe it after years of eating Indian food, then going to India and not having delicious food. I was sooo disappointed I could have cried.
Yet in stiil after pick pocketing, car accidents,terrible food/ service, and lets not forget constant public harassment, I still tried to make the best of our trip. I mean don't get me wrong there were some very hilarious moments. The Indian head bobbing accompanied with "teegut" or smininature, thats right sminature toilet paper rolls, or the strange veggie menu at McDonalds ( which I did not eat at)Or like when our travel agent Shabir took Kate and I out to dinner. Before getting in the car he unbuttoned his black silk shirt to right above his navel which showed off his massive mound of chest fur and umpteen gold medallions. His drunk assistant drove us to a restaurant ( where the food was great) We shared a meal while his assistant giggled drunkenly and harassed young children from the table (PEDO!!)After dinner when we reached the hotel Shabir pushed the button for the elevator , grabbed Kate's arm and said " Katee maybe we go somewhere, Tiff will not mind" I stepped in and grabbed her arm, laughed and said "thanks, but no we're going to bed!" Oh no but it didnt stop there, once we were safe in our room Kare gets a phone call from Shabir letting her know he is staying right down the hall, in case she wanted to come visit, when I was sleeping. He was sooo serious too. After Kate let him down easy as not to hurt his feelings ( because we didn't him to feel salty or cancel our tickers , because we had already paid him for our tour package) We looked at each other and laughed hysterically. He thought we wanted the "package PLUS" deal. No dirty Indian shame for me, thanks though!
Watch out for those city tigers
Kate and I toughed it out listening to the advice of friends who've been to India and who said " Once you get out of Delhi, its sooo much better" Well We did and it wasn't. Each city was a bigger and dirtier version of the last. Pigs and other livestock running rampant in street eating from the various garbage piles along the road side. During our multi-city tour, we saw sooo many pigs. Our very strange but fun driver Mr. Yogesh pointed them out " city tigers" you know? He laughed as his head swayed back and forth like a bobble head doll" Teegut"!
This is India uncovered! You know that saying " If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!" Well that doesn't apply here!
I know a number people who've been to India and " said "they had a fabulous time".IT IS THE LIE! Yeah it's great for photography, but guess what I don't work for National Geographic. India is not incredible it is impoverished to the likes of which I've never seen, filthy, and so disappointing. I've never been made to feel so uncomfortable and paranoid on vacation. I'm sorry people, but anyone who knows me, knows how optimistic I am. I can find a silver lining just about anywhere but unfortunately the silver lining was buried under a pile of garbage.Aside from the Taj, the beautiful fabrics and Masala tea, India was NO BUENO! I do not recommend it. If you are a dirty backpacker( so its true) and like being ripped off and given sub par standards of service then go ahead.
I've never disliked some place I've traveled before. It was a bit heartbreaking to have had such a terrible experience in my #2 place of all time. .In one word I was UNDERWHELMED! :( Well at least I saw the Taj Mahal! After hours of swerving in and out of traffic from city to city, bad meal after bad meal , and 2 cases of Delhi Belly, Kate and I decided to cut our losses and hop on the next plane to Thailand to salvage what was left of our vacation. As always Thailand was fantastic so it wasn't all bad. I'm going to chalk my Un-incredible India trip up as an experience and keep on trucking. My next vacation can only get better! So with a sigh of disappointment, a hella big credit card bill, and the remnants of Delhi belly I close this chapter on India! Namaste.
Confucius say: He who survives India and lives to tell the tale is but a wise and strong man, but he who falls victim to the Indian hype will get hosed and shit in hand.
I have less than 24 hours to India and I'm super pumped! As always something always goes wrong. The dogsitter canceled on me today! Ahhhh, some excuse about a " last minute" trip to the east coast. By last minute, do you mean planned for months and just now feeling it was important to tell me. No worries Korea. I'm quick on my feet. I mustered up my best Korean and called local vets and pet shops to find a suitable place for Binnie. To my surprise, I found a place right here in Anyang to house her. Phew...crisis overted. I've been procrastinating hardcore on packing,( partly because there's no dryer, so my clothes take days to dry)but there's no time like the present. At 2 :30pm, I head to the tailor's to get our secret pockets sewn into our sports bras ( no pick-pocketing going on over here) then off home to pack and straighten up the apartment. Tomorrow, I'm off to the bank to make sure my bank card will work in India. I do not want another Thailand episode. Being on vacation in a foreign country with a bum bank card is no bueno. I'm beyond excited. I remember when this trip seemed so far away, and here it is the day before. I'm freaking out over here just a little bit! I'm India bound in 24 hrs. So crazy.
On a serious note, I talked to an old friend today. We caught up on each others lives and talked about journeys of the mind, heart, and soul. We talked about the things that changed us, the things that held us back and the things that helped us grow. Not to sound all self-help book-esque, but anyone who feels themselves floundering, remember" you were created to live life. So give everything, to this life you are living. Hold nothing back." Just my perspective.
This year, has been one of loss and renewal. I truly believe it is what you do with the failures in your life that define your character. In this moment, I could not be happier. My life as it is now, is all that I wanted. Life, love, travel. I couldn't ask for more. I was told by someone " You create the world in which you live, drawing positive or negative energies into your life". So this is me,sending positivity to all of you out there hoping that it makes a difference in your lives.
The journey that I take to India has been many years in the making. Like I said it's # 2 on my list of lifetime places to visit. As long as I can remember I've dreamed of wearing saris,camel rides though the desert, and seeing the Taj Mahal. I've never been to the desert. People say it has an unparalleled beauty. I'm sure I will burst into tears at the sight of the Taj. Life moves and inspires me. With a freed sense of self and another stamp in my passport I'm off to India. Til next time ... Namaste
Confucius says: Life is like a good curry, it can be unyielding and fierce but delicious and satisfying. The task is to endure it all.
